For generations, leadership was defined by strength; a hard, stoic image of invulnerability. The “strong leader” was decisive, unflinching, unemotional and always in control. They didn’t seek answers, they knew them.
This archetype served a purpose in certain eras. It was useful for industrial hierarchies, military command and post-war corporations. But in today’s more complex, human, and connected world of work, the myth of the strong leader is no longer useful and if anything, is holding us back.
The perception of the strong leader comes from a time when control and certainty were prioritised. We have evolved (in making cases still evolving) to value connection and collaboration more. The old model of leadership, the ‘strong’ leader, is increasingly misaligned with the workplaces we’re trying to build. Strong leaders don’t prioritise psychological safety, empathy, innovation and adaptability. All of which are necessary leadership ingredients in an ever-evolving global workplace.
Leadership expert Amy Edmondson puts it clearly; “We are drawn to leaders who seem confident and certain, but we trust leaders who are real.” Authenticity in leadership is important to this generation of workers. They want to work for human beings, not super heroes.
Real leaders are not unshakable
When leaders try to emulate the strong, unshakable leader persona, everyone pays a price.
For the leader it’s isolating, keeping up a front of perfection is exhausting. Leaders suffer in silence, unable to admit they’re unsure or overwhelmed. They fear vulnerability or reaching out for support and are more at risk of burnout. Authentic connection becomes harder to maintain.
And for the people they are leading, they create a culture where honesty is risky. Leaders who never shows vulnerability create a culture where employees don’t want to either; no one wants to be wrong and no one wants to be accountable for mistakes or failures. Innovation is stifled.
As Brené Brown says “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” Without leaders who embrace it, no one will.
Rethinking what strength looks like
Let’s redefine leadership strength. Strength is admitting when you don’t know and letting others contribute. It involves owning your mistakes and embracing a learning culture. It requires us to listen deeply and to ask for help. Seeking the help and opinions of others is not weakness, it’s key to collaboration and innovation.
So how do you let go of the myth without losing the respect and confidence of your team? Here are some practical ways you can become a redefined ‘strong’ leader;
- Admit when things are hard
Say things like, “This is a tough call,” or “I don’t have all the answers yet, but here’s what I’m thinking.” Showing this level of vulnerability does not make you lose credibility, it allows others to relate to you, to connect with you and to engage with the work on a deeper, more meaningful level. - Be a learner not just a leader
Share what you’re working on personally or professionally. Make sure to actively ask your team for input on your leadership. Showing others that you too are learning and growing builds trust and rapport and makes others feel heard and better understood. - Listen more
Seek out the thoughts, concerns, ideas and ambitions of the people you lead. Make sure you make time for them through meetings, one on ones, having an open-door communication style. Focus on building the psychological safety of your team and when they do communicate their thoughts and concerns with you and show you their vulnerabilities, listen deeply. Make sure your first question is not always about performance but about energy and well-being.
Be strong but soft
Obviously, we can’t lose our strength and confidence completely as a leader. Striking the right balance between being strong and soft might be the challenge. Courageous leadership still requires clear direction and the ability to make tough decisions and instill a sense of confidence in your team without caving in to your vulnerabilities. Their challenge is to embrace a leadership style that is decisive and still open; that is clear and confident but still compassionate.
As the myth of the strong leader is fading a more human, grounded form of leadership is emerging; one that doesn’t pretend to have it all together. One that builds trust through honesty. Strength in leadership requires you to be the kind of leader who is vulnerable, who can get back up, who learns aloud and who truly values those around them.
How does your leadership style fit in with today’s complex workplace? Have you got the balance right between strength and softness?
I’d love to help you and your team work better together.
Don’t hesitate. Get in touch today.