When we remember some of our fondest memories, we only remember the peak moments. Think of an amazing holiday you went on with your family. Think of the entire holidays as a timeline of peaks and troughs. The peaks being the most fun with the duller, more mundane moments being represented by the troughs or lower points.
Only the best moments, the peaks, probably spring to mind as in your memory; snorkeling with turtles, dancing in the moonlight on the beach, riding your favourite roller coaster, drinking cocktails by the resort pool. You tend not to remember the boring or awful aspects of the holiday, even if there were a lot; losing your luggage, waiting two hours at the airport, queuing for an hour and a half to go on each ride, the kids fighting etc.
This is the power of special moments. It’s these fleeting moments, these peaks, that etch memories into our minds. And when these moments are shared, we create shared memories that bond us, enrich our relationships and and give meaning and purpose to our lives. It’s these shared moments that propel us to go on holiday with our loved ones in the first place. They bring us together and add meaning to our lives. In fact, our lives can be seen as a timeline of peak moments joined together. With a whole lot of mundane, day-to-day, insignificant and forgettable moments in between.
Defining moments are described simply by Chip and Dan Heath in their book “The power of moments” as “meaningful experiences that stand out in our memories”. Many of them, of course, come about by chance; meeting a soulmate, being offered a job, running into a long-lost friend. But many can be engineered. We have the power to create our own meaningful, defining moments. For ourselves and for others.
In the book they give a great example of a college who implemented a senior ‘signing day’ that sought to create a meaningful annual tradition whereby students gather together in a ceremony, and all have a turn of going on stage to announce what university they will be attending to great applause. They then sit at a table, with their family gathered around to officially sign their acceptance letters. The tradition has grown to be a highly anticipated and emotional event, and also proves to be an event that younger students can aspire to. This event will create defining moments in the lives of these young people. Moments that were engineered and not left to chance. The reason the day is a defining moment in the lives of the attendees is that it is “a celebration that is grand in scale and rich in emotion.”
What makes a moment memorable?
Psychological research shows that when it comes to forming memories, we have a tendency to forget the duration of an experience; known as ‘duration neglect’, instead focusing on the very best or ‘peak’ moment and the end. This is referred to as the ‘peak-end rule’. We can also remember the troughs, or the very negative experiences.
Make your own defining moments
As a leader, how can you take this concept and apply it in the workplace to reduce some of the flatness and create more peaks in your employee timelines? How can we create more meaningful shared moments at work? It seems the experience needs to tick one of the following boxes in order to be positively memorable;
They rise above the everyday. This can be constructed by enhancing sensory pleasure and injecting an element of surprise. An impromptu celebration with cake, strawberries dipped in chocolate and champagne served on silver trays to acknowledge a small win, could be one small example. Attending a concert or sporting event with your team in the box office seating.
They are moments of profound insight. Defining moments can redefine our understanding of ourselves or the world around us. A moment that sparks a crystalisation of thought, a realisation. While we often can’tengineer these exact moments of insight, epiphanies, we can lay the groundwork for them to happen.
They capture us at our best, appealing to our sense of pride. These are moments of achievement, acknowledgement, courage. Award evenings, graduation ceremonies.
They are times of connection. Weddings, Christmas parties, team building away days; all these defining moments are social and are made special because they are shared moments.
As highlighted in the book, the best defining moments fulfil all four of these criteria; using the student ‘signing day’ as an example; “the ELEVATION of students having their moment on stage, the INSIGHT of the younger students thinking that could be me someday, the PRIDE of being accepted to the college, and the CONNECTION of sharing the day with an arena full of thousands of supportive people”.
How do you create defining moments in your workplace? Could your leadership team benefit from one of my tailored workshops? Please get in touch today. I’d love to help!