There is an interesting shift that happens when someone steps into a new leadership role. Often, they arrive focused on capability. They want to prove themselves quickly, establish credibility, make good decisions and demonstrate value. All of that matters, of course. But the leaders who build trust and influence most effectively are often the ones who start off slow, step back and try to get a feel for the environment and understand people before making any big changes.
People are remarkably intuitive. Teams can tell very quickly whether a leader genuinely values people or simply sees relationships as part of the job. They notice whether conversations feel transactional or sincere or whether someone is listening to respond or listening to understand.
In many workplaces, we underestimate just how important this is. Technical skills may open the door to leadership opportunities, but relationships determine whether people choose to follow you once you are there. Respect is earned through consistency, emotional intelligence and the way people feel in your presence over time.
As author and leadership expert Stephen Covey once wrote, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” It remains one of the most practical leadership principles because it requires something that cannot be faked for long; genuine curiosity.
Trust begins with genuine interest
The most likeable and trusted leaders are often deeply interested in other people. They remember details. They ask thoughtful questions. They pay attention. They make people feel seen. Importantly, they do not do these things as techniques. They do them because they actually care about the people around them. This becomes particularly important when managing a new team.
Many leaders enter a new environment feeling pressure to establish authority quickly. In doing so, they can unintentionally create distance. They focus heavily on strategy, structure and performance before building connection. While direction matters, trust develops far more effectively when people feel respected before they feel managed.
That does not mean leaders need to become everyone’s friend. Good leadership still requires accountability, difficult conversations and high standards. But people respond differently to those moments when trust already exists. When employees believe a leader genuinely cares about them, feedback feels constructive rather than threatening. Conversations become easier. Collaboration becomes stronger.
Psychologist and philosopher William James once said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” In many ways, effective leadership begins there.
Appreciation is not always about praise or recognition programs. Often, it is reflected in smaller moments. Giving someone your full attention in a meeting. Following through on a commitment. Asking how a project went and remembering the answer later. Taking an interest in someone beyond their role description.
These behaviours may seem minor in isolation, but collectively they shape culture. They influence whether people feel psychologically safe, valued and motivated to contribute.
The small moments people remember
The leaders who build strong relationships also tend to understand the difference between being impressive and being approachable. Some people enter leadership believing they need to have all the answers. In reality, teams often trust leaders more when they demonstrate humility and openness. Admitting uncertainty when appropriate, asking for input or being willing to learn from others regardless of seniority.
People trust leaders who show consistency in the way they treat others. Respect should not fluctuate depending on stress levels, hierarchy or performance outcomes. Small interactions matter like the greeting in the morning, the tone of an email or the way someone responds when things go wrong. These moments create emotional memory and people learn to trust when their leader shows consistent respect and calm particularity in the most stressful situations. As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
That quote resonates strongly in leadership because people rarely separate performance from emotion as cleanly as we imagine. Workplaces are human environments. Trust, confidence and engagement are deeply connected to emotional experience.
For leaders wanting to build stronger rapport and credibility, the starting point is often simpler than expected. Slow down enough to become genuinely interested in people. Listen carefully. Learn what matters to them. Notice their strengths. Be generous with recognition. Follow through consistently.
Over time, these behaviours create something far more valuable than popularity. They create trust. And trust changes everything. WHere there is trust, teams communicate more openly and conflict becomes easier to navigate. Collaboration improves and people become more willing to contribute ideas, raise concerns and support each other through challenges.
Leadership is ultimately relational. While experience, knowledge and decision making all matter, people are far more likely to respect leaders who make them feel valued along the way.
How likeable are you at work? Is it working for you?
Rod Matthews